To Be a Father
by EnchantedRealmsFiction
Summary: A story in which a few members of the Avengers somehow get turned into children. The remaining Avengers must navigate through this. After all, how hard can watching children be, right? I'm sure Barton could tell them.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers, and I do not profit financially from writing this story.

* * *

"You realize that this is your fault," Bucky hissed.

Tony glared at him. He wanted to argue the point with the other man out of time, wanted to scream it wasn't true and demand how could the former Russian assassin think such a thing. However, it was something he just could _not_ do. Not while the other man held a sobbing two-year-old boy in his arms or as two rambunctious boys who looked to be ages eight and six respectively, ran in between their legs, playing a game of tag and laughing. To argue would be to startle the two playing and set the waterworks into motion for all three children. Tony wasn't good with waterworks. He wasn't good with blame, either, but, if he had to choose between one or the other, waterworks were the worst.

In truth, their current situation was not his fault, and he felt confident Bucky knew it. The other man just needed someone to blame for what happened to his best friend, and Tony happened to be it. Clint, Natasha, and Bruce were with Fury and Hill, debriefing them on the situation, and Steve and Thor, well . . . Tony drew in a deep breath to calm his shaken nerves and let it out.

Big, blue eyes gazed at him from the boy's perch in Bucky's arms. His blond hair stuck straight up from static, and he kept glancing back and forth between Tony and Bucky. A strong pang of guilt hit the billionaire, guilt and fear, as he took in how _scrawny_ the boy was, how scrawny and frail _Steve_ was as well as scared while Thor chased Loki in circles. The two paid no attention to the two men locked in a staring contest.

"You realize that it _isn't_ my fault, right?" Tony said in a calm, low voice. "I had nothing to do with what happened. I wasn't even there, and neither were you. Fighting isn't going to solve anything right now. We can figure out who to blame when we get everything back to the way it was before."

"Don't you think we should figure out who to blame _first_?" Bucky shot back. "Undo the damage that way?"

"Or we could find a way to reverse the damage first," Tony said through gritted teeth. "If we can get at least Steve back to normal, we can find out what he _remembers_ and get the scumbag _that_ way."

The former assassin stared through narrowed eyes at him. Bucky's lips were drawn into a tight line. He wasn't happy with what Tony was suggesting. Tony wasn't happy with what he was suggesting, either, but the slight wheeze he was starting to detect in Steve's breathing only scared him further.

"And what about these two?" he said after a moment's silence. Tony counted himself as lucky the two Asgårdian boys were more focused on playing than on what he and Bucky were saying. "Do we undo the damage done to them at the same time?"

"Yeah," Tony replied through gritted teeth. "We do. Given that they're _royalty_ from another realm, we kinda have no choice in that matter, either."

"Wonderful," Barnes muttered under his breath. "Just great. I hope you have some ideas on what to do in the meantime. I don't exactly have any experience in being a father or even a guardian for that matter."

Neither did he, but Tony was not about to admit the point.

"You could start," another voice, a familiar voice, remarked, "by making sure they get something to eat."

Tony turned his head to glare at Bruce, mildly disturbed to see how remarkably calm his teammate remained in the given situation. Barnes nodded his head.

"Yeah. I do seem to remember eating when I was a kid," he said, almost jokingly. Some of the anger dissipated from his face, a relief for Tony. "You hungry, Steve?"

The two-year-old nodded, his blue eyes still wide and a bit watery.

"I'm hungry, too," Thor announced.

"That makes three of us," Banner said. "Come on, and I'll fix us something to eat, okay? You coming with us, too, Loki?"

"Yeah!"

Tony resisted the urge to look at the trickster god but failed. Bright green eyes shone with happiness at the prospect of food. He chased after Thor as the older boy raced over to Banner. Immediately, Loki latched onto the doctor. Barnes joined them by the door. In a matter of seconds, they were gone, and Tony's shoulders sagged with relief. He flopped onto the nearest couch and exhaled a breath.

"I could use a drink," he muttered. He then tried to rack his brains for what had actually happened to two of his teammates and their on-again, off-again nemesis in Loki.

"Call for suspicious activity . . . Thor and Steve went to investigate along with Romanov and Barton . . . they came back with Steve, Thor, _and_ Loki all pint-sized . . ." He ticked off each instance with his fingers, staring at the ceiling. "What a minute . . . how is it Loki and Thor are not demanding to know where their parents are?" He bolted forward as if electrocuted. "They're way too happy and playful for kids who don't remember who they are. Jarvis."

" _Yes, sir?"_

"When will Romanov and Barton be back from debriefing Fury?"

The last he knew, the two assassins had actually left Stark Tower in order to speak with Fury. Given the circumstances and the fact they knew Hydra still existed, Tony wasn't sure if it was wise on their parts to leave or downright foolish. Either way, he needed to know more about what had happened than what he actually knew.

" _Given the time of day, sir, they could arrive at any moment or be up to an hour gone,"_ the A.I. supplied. _"It all depends on how long Director Fury keeps them."_

"Right. Great, just great," he muttered.

" _Sir, Agent Coulson has arrived. Perhaps he can be of some assistance . . . depending on what it is you're trying to do."_

"I'm right here," Coulson announced, walking into the room. "I was told you needed some assistance. My assistance in particular. What happened, Stark?"

"That's what I'd like to know," Tony said. Normally, he'd have given the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent some grief, but his frustration over the situation outweighed his desire to be a snarky asshole. "We have two pint-sized Asgårdians and a pint-sized Super Soldier. Bruce and Barnes are feeding the kiddos right now, but something about this is just so . . . off."

"You mean like what was Loki doing there?" Coulson asked.

"That and why are he and Thor not bellowing for their parents or demanding to know where they are," Tony said, rising to his feet. "They're too . . . _accepting_ of this situation."

To that, Coulson raised an eyebrow at him.

"Good point," the man murmured. "I'm sure our reconnaissance team will find out the answers before too much longer."

"So I suppose in the meantime we simply keep the kiddos safe?" Tony narrowed his eyes at Coulson, who simply shrugged.

"That seems to be the thing to do, isn't it? Do you know where they are?"

"In one of the kitchens, I presume. I already told you Banner and Barnes were feeding them."

"Right."

The two men stared each other down for a few seconds before Tony internally conceded defeat and stalked over to his liquor cabinet. He needed a drink and a strong one.

Something told him this wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

Something new from me, at least, but not necessarily new in the fandom. Don't worry. This is going to be more than a let's see how the Avengers deal with children thing. Who the culprit is will remain to be seen.

Loki's Exile will be updated soon.


End file.
